Thursday, 29 December 2011

It's you, not me

Why is it that nobody who believes in Hell thinks they'll be going there?

Thursday, 15 September 2011

What's happened to our heroes?

In his 1977 song about a young Berlin couple, David Bowie said “We can be heroes”. But dare we compare ourselves to the likes of Neil Armstrong, Fred Hollows or Rosa Parks?

The answer is a resounding “Why the hell not?”

Thanks to the recent slew of reality television programmes, the title of Hero can be just as easily bestowed on a piece of fish or a light fitting. No longer is the tuna the main element of the dish, no longer do we consider the chandelier the centrepiece of a room. No, they are the “heroes”.

I suspect it was an expert judge or celebrity chef on what was essentially just a show about people cooking stuff, that first coined the term, but it has infested every example of the genre (Biggest Loser has not yet aired a series since the advent of this bastardisation of the English language, but I would sooner place the tag on some of those people than on a radish or a rug). It has become a buzzword that, consciously or not, contestants feel the need to use in order to fit in with, or pander to, the people who share their passion for food or renovating or clothes, the same people who control their immediate future.

So, go on. Pin a medal on your squid rings, organise a tickertape parade for your curtains. You won’t impress the judges if you don’t.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Think Before You Speak

If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate you leaving the following out of anything you say to me…

Going forward – I don’t know of any business that has “going backward” as part of its plans, so there’s no need to differentiate between the two. “From now on” or “In the future” will do just fine.

It’s all good – No reason other than I don’t like it. Just stop it.

Yeah, nah – A favourite of Shane Warne. I don’t mind a yeah or nah at the start of a sentence, but if you’re not sure whether you agree or disagree, I’m happy for you to start with ummm, rather than both.

Chillax – obviously a hybrid of chill and relax. I’ve only heard it on TV so far, but it’s only a matter of time…

Solutions – the Yellow Pages lists 243 businesses in our region with “solutions” as part of their name. 99% of the time I don’t need a solution, I just want to buy a thing or a service from you. It’s a bit arrogant of you to assume I can’t determine the answer to my own problem before I come to see you. If your business name includes “…Solutions” or you advertise as offering “solutions”, it’s highly unlikely I will be doing business with you. If I do, and I’ve already worked out the solution, I shall expect to be given a discount.

Enhanced customer experience - I'm not after an experience. I just want to buy something and get out of your shop or off the phone. If I want an experience I'll go to Disneyland.

There are undoubtedly more examples of this shit that don't spring to mind right now. But I've given you fair warning. Think before you speak.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

An Awkward Moment

When I started this whole blogging thing, it was really just an outlet for random thoughts I had that would otherwise not see the light of day. The sort of stuff that would make a good rebuttal if only someone would offer up an opposing opinion. Alas, those discussions rarely, if ever, came up, and if they did, I forgot to speak up.

I had no idea of who, if anyone, would read it (I didn’t even know if I would tell anyone about it). Now some people know about it and they occasionally read it. So do I need to be careful about what I say? Well, I’ve changed the subtitle on the blog to give you a warning of sorts, but really, who reads that bit?

I had an awkward moment recently where some people read the blog for the first time. While I was in the room. I’d made a point of light-heartedly warning them before they started reading, but I still had the feeling that they might be less than impressed by some of the content. If it was being read by someone I didn’t know, I wouldn’t care – there are a lot nastier things being said and done in the world than anything I’m going to write. I’m not easily offended (if at all) and I expect the same level of shallowness from anyone else – if you know it’s not true how can you be offended by it, particularly if it’s only a difference of opinion? Especially so if you’re feeling offended on behalf of someone else.

That being said, I hope my friends weren’t offended. Perhaps I’m not as shallow as I thought. But I probably am.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

God is Real - Here's Why...

A bloke in Guam had 12 children and lived in a bamboo hut. Now they live in a house made of concrete.

Make of that what you will...

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Dead Daredevil Quote of the Week

"Next year the Ideal Toy Company is going to make a lot of Evel Knievel toys. ... One toy I'd like them to make is my own idea; I think it's the most super toy in the world. You wind it up, it goes like a little bugger, goes across the floor, grabs this little Barbie doll, throws her on the floor, gives her a little lovin', jumps back on the motorcycle and goes whizzing out the door screaming, 'G.I. Joe is a faggot!' " 
-- Evel Knievel

We're Still Full

Further to my recent post, if we're going to curtail all immigration to this country, the least we can do is let the rest of the world know.

So, if you think you may be the next Victor Chang, or Gustav Nossal, or Fred Hollows, don’t bother. Just stay where you are – these blokes have it covered…

Friday, 6 May 2011

Quote of the Week

"You know what I think is weird? People think it okay to kill unborn children who are totally innocent of anything but then raise a fuss over executing a child for cursing his parents when there are no extenuating circumstances. That seems a little backwards to me."

- a reply from a fellow forum member after I asked what he thought about his Bible instructing parents to kill their disobedient children.

Friday, 29 April 2011

Fuck Off We're Full

You've probably heard it, or seen it on a t-shirt teamed with footy shorts and double-pluggers, or on the back of a VN Commodore. I'd also consider it a safe bet that it's tattooed on more than one resident of Sydney's Sutherland Shire. I saw it (well, the last two words anyway) on the back of a motorhome recently and it got me thinking - just how full are we, and what can we do about it?

Australia ranks 234th on a list of 240 in terms of population density, ahead of the likes of Western Sahara, Mongolia and Greenland.

I'm not aware of any "FOWF" signs being erected on Ashmore Reef or Christmas Island, so I must assume that these concerned citizens are proposing changes to our immigration laws that cover all types of arrivals. If we are to limit our immigration numbers, we naturally need to deal with the main offenders first: the UK, New Zealand and South Africa dumped over 40,000 expats on our shores last year, with China, India and the Philippines adding another 38,000. I'll have a petition started immediately, demanding a suspension of immigration from the main countries that send us white people, and visit Cronulla Beach to ask for signatures. I'll let you know how I get on...

My first question to this trio would be, "Is that what you think Australia looks like?" - they were obviously absent on the day of geography lessons at school. I'll bet they dropped those ciggie butts on the sand, too.

I wonder if it works the other way - do residents of Western Australia draw a reasonable image of the coast from Esperance to Broome, with just a blob on the east coast?

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Quote of the Week

"SL, know that you are not alone in your mental illness. Many people on this board are affected, whether directly or through their family members."

- more from my friends at the Christian forum, Rapture Ready

Friday, 15 April 2011

Memories of Live Music

I recently spent a weekend away with an old friend who has spent his entire working life in the music industry, firstly as a roadie and now as a performance co-ordinator at a well-known theatre. We talked at length about performers we’d seen and, being the grumpy old men we’ve become, complained about the state of the music industry today.

In these days of iTunes and YouTube, the thrill of seeing an international act seems to be becoming a more mundane experience. Back in the day, even hearing them could have meant sitting by your radio and just waiting, if you didn’t have the pocket money to buy their latest album (I was never one for singles).

Therefore, as much for the purpose of reliving my younger days as for firing up your own memory, I herewith provide, in rough chronological order, the more noteworthy performers I’ve had the pleasure to see live on stage (some more than once)…

Jesus Christ Superstar – the Australian cast, pre-Marcia Hines
Linda Ronstadt & the Nelson Riddle Orchestra
David Bowie
Cold Chisel (twice in three days)
BB King
Paul Young
David Bowie
ZZ Top
Sandii & the Sunsetz
Ian Moss
Public Image Ltd
Cheap Trick
Alannah Myles
Simply Red
Tokyo Shock Boys
Sarah McLachlan
Natalie Merchant
Ani DiFranco
Cold Chisel
Dwight Yoakam
Marilyn Manson
Kings of Leon
Foo Fighters

Quote of the Week

"The reason I ask is because through the last 2000 years, millions have tried that very thing and have failed. The way I understood it, no one up to now had been able to find one single inconsistency. Now you can say the Bible is full of them, you might have to show me one, please."

- a member of Rapture Ready forum on the inerrancy of the bible.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

The Human Eye – when did it go wrong?

The human eye has long been a favourite among creationists as an example of an organ so complex it could not possibly have evolved into its present form.

The fact that it’s far from perfect, with its light receptors facing away from the light source, and as a consequence having a blind spot being created by the hole in the retina through which the optic nerve must pass, suggests anything but a divine design. But let’s put that aside and concede that God did indeed create the human eye, along with the rest of the human body obviously, six to ten thousand years ago.

And thus, the “if/then” switch in my brain is tripped…

Ask any bible-believing Christian why the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and they’ll tell you it’s because Adam and Eve fell for, what is not just metaphorically, the oldest trick in the book – the talking snake. Everything was perfect until that little bastard slithered his way into the garden. Everything including the design of the human eye.

So I am obliged to wonder – if it’s not perfect now, and never could have been considered so in its present form, did the actual physical structure of the eye change as a result of mankind’s fall from grace?

Monday, 4 April 2011

The truth – does it really matter?

I get lots of emails, but my favourites are the ones that teach me about the way things really are in this world of ours. The ones that tell me why I should be frightened and/or disgusted by foreigners (or to give them their proper name, Muslims) or how our namby-pamby government is ruining our country (usually by letting in Muslims).

Now, most of these emails could be a lot shorter than they are. They could just say “I don’t like Muslims” and that would be enough, because what usually follows are either lies, illogical, or irrelevant. So why go to the effort if making it a lot longer than it needs to be? 

If we start with the original author (my apologies to any real authors out there – I don’t mean to sully your title by using it to describe these fuckwits) they know that the people most likely to be convinced, don’t need much to convince them or are stupid enough to believe anything, no matter how implausible, that appears to confirm the views they already hold. 

So they’ve got the mouth-breathers onside already, but they eventually aim too high and, with nothing in the way of proper evidence, start making shit up to try to convince the rest of us as well. But perhaps I’m being too harsh there – it may be that they know we won’t fall for it, and are simply looking to incite even more anger and intolerance toward their targets. 

Either way, at that point, the truth and logical thought go out the window. Just make your point, state the facts, and we’ll see where we go from there. But don't expect me to believe your shit if all you have as evidence is a load of bollocks.

Because their works are always forwarded by a third party, it’s usually impossible to know where it’s originated, but I’m willing to give credit where it’s due, and say that if you send it to me, I trust that you believe everything in the message (especially if it ends with something like, “If you care about our country pass this on”), and you’ll be subject to any and all ridicule and derision I would otherwise direct at the originator.

In future posts, I’ll be sharing some of the masterpieces I’ve received, along with a closer look at each one.

Saturday, 2 April 2011

You're not Alex Perry...

If you're going inside a building, and you know it will be dark when you come out, leave your sunglasses in the car. Or at least put them in your pocket.

Do not walk around, inside, at night, with them on your head.

You might think Alex Perry looks cool. He doesn't. And neither do you. 

So just stop it.