Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Think Before You Speak

If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate you leaving the following out of anything you say to me…

Going forward – I don’t know of any business that has “going backward” as part of its plans, so there’s no need to differentiate between the two. “From now on” or “In the future” will do just fine.

It’s all good – No reason other than I don’t like it. Just stop it.

Yeah, nah – A favourite of Shane Warne. I don’t mind a yeah or nah at the start of a sentence, but if you’re not sure whether you agree or disagree, I’m happy for you to start with ummm, rather than both.

Chillax – obviously a hybrid of chill and relax. I’ve only heard it on TV so far, but it’s only a matter of time…

Solutions – the Yellow Pages lists 243 businesses in our region with “solutions” as part of their name. 99% of the time I don’t need a solution, I just want to buy a thing or a service from you. It’s a bit arrogant of you to assume I can’t determine the answer to my own problem before I come to see you. If your business name includes “…Solutions” or you advertise as offering “solutions”, it’s highly unlikely I will be doing business with you. If I do, and I’ve already worked out the solution, I shall expect to be given a discount.

Enhanced customer experience - I'm not after an experience. I just want to buy something and get out of your shop or off the phone. If I want an experience I'll go to Disneyland.

There are undoubtedly more examples of this shit that don't spring to mind right now. But I've given you fair warning. Think before you speak.

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