Think Before You Speak

If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate you leaving the following out of anything you say to me…

Going forward – I don’t know of any business that has “going backward” as part of its plans, so there’s no need to differentiate between the two. “From now on” or “In the future” will do just fine.

It’s all good – No reason other than I don’t like it. Just stop it.

Yeah, nah – A favourite of Shane Warne. I don’t mind a yeah or nah at the start of a sentence, but if you’re not sure whether you agree or disagree, I’m happy for you to start with ummm, rather than both.

Chillax – obviously a hybrid of chill and relax. I’ve only heard it on TV so far, but it’s only a matter of time…

Solutions – the Yellow Pages lists 243 businesses in our region with “solutions” as part of their name. 99% of the time I don’t need a solution, I just want to buy a thing or a service from you. It’s a bit arrogant of you to assume I can’t determine the answer to my own problem before I come to see you. If your business name includes “…Solutions” or you advertise as offering “solutions”, it’s highly unlikely I will be doing business with you. If I do, and I’ve already worked out the solution, I shall expect to be given a discount.

Enhanced customer experience - I'm not after an experience. I just want to buy something and get out of your shop or off the phone. If I want an experience I'll go to Disneyland.

There are undoubtedly more examples of this shit that don't spring to mind right now. But I've given you fair warning. Think before you speak.

The Evolution of the Car Window

  

Am I the only one who thinks we've not come all that far?

An Awkward Moment

When I started this whole blogging thing, it was really just an outlet for random thoughts I had that would otherwise not see the light of day. The sort of stuff that would make a good rebuttal if only someone would offer up an opposing opinion. Alas, those discussions rarely, if ever, came up, and if they did, I forgot to speak up.

I had no idea of who, if anyone, would read it (I didn’t even know if I would tell anyone about it). Now some people know about it and they occasionally read it. So do I need to be careful about what I say? Well, I’ve changed the subtitle on the blog to give you a warning of sorts, but really, who reads that bit?

I had an awkward moment recently where some people read the blog for the first time. While I was in the room. I’d made a point of light-heartedly warning them before they started reading, but I still had the feeling that they might be less than impressed by some of the content. If it was being read by someone I didn’t know, I wouldn’t care – there are a lot nastier things being said and done in the world than anything I’m going to write. I’m not easily offended (if at all) and I expect the same level of shallowness from anyone else – if you know it’s not true how can you be offended by it, particularly if it’s only a difference of opinion? Especially so if you’re feeling offended on behalf of someone else.

That being said, I hope my friends weren’t offended. Perhaps I’m not as shallow as I thought. But I probably am.

God is Real - Here's Why...

A bloke in Guam had 12 children and lived in a bamboo hut. Now they live in a house made of concrete.

Make of that what you will...

Dead Daredevil Quote of the Week

"Next year the Ideal Toy Company is going to make a lot of Evel Knievel toys. ... One toy I'd like them to make is my own idea; I think it's the most super toy in the world. You wind it up, it goes like a little bugger, goes across the floor, grabs this little Barbie doll, throws her on the floor, gives her a little lovin', jumps back on the motorcycle and goes whizzing out the door screaming, 'G.I. Joe is a faggot!' " 

-- Evel Knievel

We're Still Full

Further to my recent post, if we're going to curtail all immigration to this country, the least we can do is let the rest of the world know.

So, if you think you may be the next Victor Chang, or Gustav Nossal, or Fred Hollows, don’t bother. Just stay where you are – these blokes have it covered…

Quote of the Week

"You know what I think is weird? People think it okay to kill unborn children who are totally innocent of anything but then raise a fuss over executing a child for cursing his parents when there are no extenuating circumstances. That seems a little backwards to me."

- a reply from a fellow forum member after I asked what he thought about his Bible instructing parents to kill their disobedient children.