February

Not Febuary.

You have almost a year to practice.

No Miracle Too Small

More from my mates at the Rapture Ready forum...

Someone’s been talking up God’s hand in saving their son from injury in a recent bingle. Long story short is that he was driving along and a cow wandered through an open gate and onto the road. He swerved, but hit the cow, then a tree. The car (and cow) were destroyed, but he got out without any injuries.

Praise the Lord!

One wonders though, if the Man Upstairs could have stepped in a bit sooner?

Could God have disrupted the driver’s schedule and put him at a slightly different place at that moment?

Could he have arranged for a gust of wind to blow the gate shut?

Could he have kept the cow off the road?

Could he have helped the driver avoid the cow?

Could he have helped the driver avoid the tree?

Apparently none of this entered the mind of the gushingly grateful mother. But all things considered, the guy wasn’t injured and that’s the main thing.

On the other hand, what of things had turned out differently?

What if the guy broke his leg? Could’ve been worse. Praise the Lord!

In a coma? He came out of it. Praise the Lord!

Died? He’s in heaven now. Praise the Lord!

No outcome seems too insignificant that it doesn’t somehow demonstrate God’s immeasurable love for the recipient. And no question that perhaps he might have done more will ever be entertained.

It must be great being God. You just can’t lose.

It's you, not me

Why is it that nobody who believes in Hell thinks they'll be going there?

What's happened to our heroes?

In his 1977 song about a young Berlin couple, David Bowie said “We can be heroes”. But dare we compare ourselves to the likes of Neil Armstrong, Fred Hollows or Rosa Parks?

The answer is a resounding “Why the hell not?”

Thanks to the recent slew of reality television programmes, the title of Hero can be just as easily bestowed on a piece of fish or a light fitting. No longer is the tuna the main element of the dish, no longer do we consider the chandelier the centrepiece of a room. No, they are the “heroes”.

I suspect it was an expert judge or celebrity chef on what was essentially just a show about people cooking stuff, that first coined the term, but it has infested every example of the genre (Biggest Loser has not yet aired a series since the advent of this bastardisation of the English language, but I would sooner place the tag on some of those people than on a radish or a rug). It has become a buzzword that, consciously or not, contestants feel the need to use in order to fit in with, or pander to, the people who share their passion for food or renovating or clothes, the same people who control their immediate future.

So, go on. Pin a medal on your squid rings, organise a tickertape parade for your curtains. You won’t impress the judges if you don’t.

Think Before You Speak

If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate you leaving the following out of anything you say to me…

Going forward – I don’t know of any business that has “going backward” as part of its plans, so there’s no need to differentiate between the two. “From now on” or “In the future” will do just fine.

It’s all good – No reason other than I don’t like it. Just stop it.

Yeah, nah – A favourite of Shane Warne. I don’t mind a yeah or nah at the start of a sentence, but if you’re not sure whether you agree or disagree, I’m happy for you to start with ummm, rather than both.

Chillax – obviously a hybrid of chill and relax. I’ve only heard it on TV so far, but it’s only a matter of time…

Solutions – the Yellow Pages lists 243 businesses in our region with “solutions” as part of their name. 99% of the time I don’t need a solution, I just want to buy a thing or a service from you. It’s a bit arrogant of you to assume I can’t determine the answer to my own problem before I come to see you. If your business name includes “…Solutions” or you advertise as offering “solutions”, it’s highly unlikely I will be doing business with you. If I do, and I’ve already worked out the solution, I shall expect to be given a discount.

Enhanced customer experience - I'm not after an experience. I just want to buy something and get out of your shop or off the phone. If I want an experience I'll go to Disneyland.

There are undoubtedly more examples of this shit that don't spring to mind right now. But I've given you fair warning. Think before you speak.

The Evolution of the Car Window

  

Am I the only one who thinks we've not come all that far?

An Awkward Moment

When I started this whole blogging thing, it was really just an outlet for random thoughts I had that would otherwise not see the light of day. The sort of stuff that would make a good rebuttal if only someone would offer up an opposing opinion. Alas, those discussions rarely, if ever, came up, and if they did, I forgot to speak up.

I had no idea of who, if anyone, would read it (I didn’t even know if I would tell anyone about it). Now some people know about it and they occasionally read it. So do I need to be careful about what I say? Well, I’ve changed the subtitle on the blog to give you a warning of sorts, but really, who reads that bit?

I had an awkward moment recently where some people read the blog for the first time. While I was in the room. I’d made a point of light-heartedly warning them before they started reading, but I still had the feeling that they might be less than impressed by some of the content. If it was being read by someone I didn’t know, I wouldn’t care – there are a lot nastier things being said and done in the world than anything I’m going to write. I’m not easily offended (if at all) and I expect the same level of shallowness from anyone else – if you know it’s not true how can you be offended by it, particularly if it’s only a difference of opinion? Especially so if you’re feeling offended on behalf of someone else.

That being said, I hope my friends weren’t offended. Perhaps I’m not as shallow as I thought. But I probably am.